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How Hot is Toronto?

July 8th, 2010 · 4 Comments · American Humor, British Comedy, British Humour, Canada Humor, Children and Pets, Cop Humor, Family Humor, Funny Dog, Funny Environmental, Funny Politics, Funny Sports, Funny Toronto, Funny Weather, Human Nature, Lifestyle, Political Humor, Politicians, Satire

Alex Carrick

How hot and humid is Toronto this summer?

There’s no question it’s a scorcher.

We’re setting new record highs daily.  

It’s such a sizzler that… 

(1) Out-0n-bail G20 protesters have declared a moratorium on burning cop cars.

(2) Casual Friday has become sponge bath Friday;

(3) All of the city’s mayoral candidates want to tax and license running through sprinklers.

(4) The pavement on Yonge Street is melting faster than the ice surface at the Air Canada Centre.

(5) All of the mayoral candidates want to tax and license panting dogs.

(6) The air is so thick and rubbery, the Raptors are trying to dunk it.

(7) All of the mayoral candidates want to tax and license the wearing of Speedos, which will put a serious crimp in my lifestyle.

(8) Visiting tourists are becoming confused and think they’re in  Monte Carlo.

(9) Subway and postal workers have become too cranky to sleep on the job, thus depriving everyone else of many candid photo opportunities.

(10) All of the mayoral candidates want to tax and license sweat.

(11) Drug traffickers are doing a brisker business selling illegal slushies than crystal meth.

(12) Motorists in air conditioned cars are annoyed about having to dodge the vultures and jackals that have staked out the city’s new bicycle lanes.

(13) I wrote a number 13, but a roving herd of camels ate it.

****

Of course, we also often bear the brunt of the opposite weather extreme, as told in The Yin and Yang of Canadian Meteorology.

**

For my first book, “Two Scoops” Is Just Right, please click here for the paperback version and here for the Kindle e-book version.

For the sequel, “Three Scoops” Is A Blast! (with the award-winning “Size of the Skip”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

For “Four Scoops” Is Over The Top (containing Hemingway short-listed “Caboose Follies”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

And finally, for my latest book, “Five Scoops” Is An Addiction!, please click here for the paperback and here for the Kindle digital version.

Also, I would love it if you joined me on Twitter (Alex_Carrick), Facebook and/or LinkedIn.

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4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 annie q. syed // Jul 8, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    # 2 is my favorite! :)

  • 2 Jon // Jul 8, 2010 at 8:58 pm

    14: This is the hottest the Leafs have been since 1967!

  • 3 Ezzy Languzzi // Jul 9, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    #5 Ha-ha, a tax on panting dogs. #7 Personally, I wouldn’t mind seeing a tax on speedos. : )

  • 4 Sara // Jul 9, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Very funny.
    13 out of 13 rimshots!

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