How hot and humid is Toronto this summer? It’s so hot that…
(1) Out-0n-bail G20 protesters have declared a moratorium on burning cop cars.
(2) Casual Friday has become sponge bath Friday;
(3) All of the city’s mayoral candidates want to tax and license running through sprinklers.
(4) The pavement on Yonge Street is melting faster than the ice surface at the Air Canada Centre.
(5) All of the mayoral candidates want to tax and license panting dogs.
(6) The air is so thick and rubbery, the Raptors are trying to dunk it.
(7) All of the mayoral candidates want to tax and license the wearing of Speedos, which will put a serious crimp in my lifestyle.
(8) Visiting tourists are becoming confused and think they’re in Monte Carlo.
(9) Subway and postal workers have become too cranky to sleep on the job, thus depriving everyone else of many candid photo opportunities.
(10) All of the mayoral candidates want to tax and license sweat.
(11) Drug traffickers are doing a brisker business selling illegal slushies than crystal meth.
(12) Motorists in air conditioned cars are annoyed about having to dodge the vultures and jackals that have staked out the city’s new bicycle lanes.
(13) I wrote a number 13, but a roving herd of camels ate it.