The Carrick family thinks it has the nicest pet dog in the world, a beautiful golden retriever named Daisy. But even we know there are times when Daisy seems a little lazy. A dozen-plus examples follow.
(1) She once had a race with the oak tree in our back yard. The oak won, the dandelions placed second and Daisy failed to show.
(2) The tortoise and the hare use Daisy as their finish line.
(3) She doesn’t sniff other dogs’ butts. Instead, she gives them a handi-wipe and tells them to be more thorough next time.
(4) She eats most of her meals through a straw. That’s after the cat purées her kibble.
(5) She doesn’t chase cars anymore. She calls them really bad names.
(6) When it comes to tooth care, she forgets to eat her milk bone. Then she and the cat fight over the last strand of dental floss.
(7) When Daisy meets other dogs she doesn’t like, she won’t growl. She’ll mutter under her breath.
(8) After arching her eyebrows ten times in quick succession, she needs a nap.
(9) When burglars strike, Daisy doesn’t become aggressive. She uses the clapper to turn on the lights and show our unwelcome visitors the exit.
(10) She goes for virtual runs on the Internet.
(11) When she meets other dogs she likes, she doesn’t wag her tail. She friends them on Facebook and follows them on Twitter.
(12) None of that painstaking back-tracking for her. After a night on the town, she uses a Bluetooth GPS to find her way home.
(13) I wrote a number 13, but Daisy flushed it down the toilet, after enjoying a cool sip.
An entirely different (lower) calibre of “pet” dog appears in One Fib Too Far. This guy’s had a checkered career, to say the least. His resume may even include snake-oil salesman.