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The Ethical Auctioneer

November 18th, 2010 · 2 Comments · American Humor, Art History, British Comedy, British Humour, Canada Humor, Career Choices, Charming, Cute, Family Humor, Feel Good, Human Nature, Jokes, Lifestyle, Lyrical, Not As It Seems, Oddball, Offbeat, Poem, Poetry, Screwball, Slice of Life, Surprise Twists, Twisted, Whimsy, Witty

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Donna and I have attended an auction or two. It’s a fascinating experience, filled with tradition and a lively cast of characters.

Not least among the latter is the auctioneer. He’s charged with keeping things going and, of course, making as much money as possible for sellers and the “house”.

On that score and for public relations purposes, it doesn’t hurt when record prices are set.

What am I bid
for this fine example?
Do you swear and declare
Your funding is ample

to cover the cost?
Wait! No need to worry.
There’s a paddle at back
being waved with a fury.

Onward in stages
the bidding proceeds.
It fizzles and staggers
but never recedes.

An anonymous bid
arrives over the phone
to stepladder upward
but he or she’s not alone.

Others come forward
setting new record high.
The crowd gasps and cheers,
no need to ask why.

“Going once. Going twice.”
But always an alternate.
“Sir, you’ve come this far,
I don’t want you to lose it.”

Just when all sanity
has fled from the scene,
anticipation of victory
makes attention grow keen.

I finally say the words
that cut time with a knife.
“Sold to lady in pearls,
hope you prize all your life.”

A fun time’s been had
in confusing excitement,
but wonder one must
where all common sense went.

My advice to you friend,
hang on to your wealth.
There were moments today
when you bid against yourself.

****

Sorry to do this, but I feel I must tell you the tragi-sad tale of An Unfortunate Dog Walking Incident (Farley’s Wife Told Him So).

**

For my first book, “Two Scoops” Is Just Right, please click here for the paperback version and here for the Kindle e-book version.

For the sequel, “Three Scoops” Is A Blast! (with the award-winning “Size of the Skip”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

For “Four Scoops” Is Over The Top (containing Hemingway short-listed “Caboose Follies”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

And finally, for my latest book, “Five Scoops” Is An Addiction!, please click here for the paperback and here for the Kindle digital version.

Also, I would love it if you joined me on Twitter (Alex_Carrick), Facebook and/or LinkedIn.

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2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Rishi // Dec 7, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    I enjoyed the poem Alex,

    I want to thank you for the help that you provided me today.

    Have a good one.

    Rishi.

  • 2 Rishi // Dec 7, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    1 more thought,

    What inspired the “ethical” auctioneer title?

    I thought auctioneers were mearly vessels of communication. How does that morph into an “unethical” position? I’m asking simply because I don’t have experience in this sphere.