In the political debates leading up to, during and following the recent government shutdown in Washington, a lot of “what ifs” were thrown around by some of the participants.
This led me to consider some intriguing what-ifs that might be proposed for the animal kingdom.
Here are a dozen or so. Keep in mind it’s the imagery that’s important.
(1) If stallions had bigger testicles, they’d protest against show-jumping.
(2) If spiders had more legs, they’d probably have trouble putting on their pants.
(3) If elephants had tele-prompters, they’d never ever forget their lines.
(4) If ants had uncles, as well as farms, they’d be happier and the English language would make more sense.
(5) If gorillas had greater Internet access, almost certainly there’d be more system crashes.
(6) If giraffes had step ladders, there’s no telling what they’d see; if they also had umbrellas, they’d be a hazard to satellites.
(7) If sharks had flexible work schedules, they wouldn’t need to gobble their food.
(8) If snakes had closets, surely they’d keep their old skins until they came back into style.
(9) If turkeys had credit cards, they could vacation in Aruba over Thanksgiving.
(10) If deer had wallets, they’d rush out to buy their own weapons and shoot back.
(11) If panda bears had cell phones, they’d waste their days taking “selfies” ‒ cause they’re so darned cute and they know it.
(12) If springboks had pogo sticks, they’d be insufferably bouncy.
(13) If porcupines had wings, no balloon would be safe.
Ever wonder why your life seems to be spinning out of control? This next story explains everything. I’m not exaggerating… everything! The Grief Machine.