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Canadian Male Pick-up Lines

February 7th, 2009 · 2 Comments · American Humor, Armed Forces Lifestyle, Bad Taste, British Comedy, British Humour, Canada Humor, Clash of the Sexes, Coming of Age, Cute, Family Humor, Funny Sex, General Humor, General Interest, Human Nature, Jokes, Lifestyle, Oddball, Offbeat, Outrageous, Puns, Romance, Satire, Screwball, Seduction, Sexual Innuendo, Slice of Life, Sports and Recreation, Tasteless, Twisted, Witty, Zany

Alex Carrick

In the quest for mates, various species of Canadian males have their own unique and surprisingly successful “pick-up” or “come-on” lines they use in drinking establishments, shopping mall food courts and wherever else potential female companionship is to be found.

 

Here are a few of them. I know these are effective, because I’ve tried several of them on my wife and seen her swoon. She even offered the first one on her own, based on what I am sure was her “emotionally barren” pre-Alex history.

 

(1) Employed by a hockey-loving Canadian male – “Let’s go to my place. I’d like to show you my puck collection.”

 

(2) A male member of Canada’s Armed Forces – “That’s not a gun in my pocket. That’s my own personal I.E.D. (i.e., improvised explosive device).”

 

(3) A name-dropping poetry-writing Canadian male –

 

“A close friend of mine,

Howie Mandel by name,

once told me a line,

let safe sex be your game.”

 

(4) A pub-crawling Canadian male – “Ya gotta check it out. My water bed is full of beer.”

 

(5) A metro-sexual Canadian male – “Do you like my cologne? It’s derived from the musk gland of the industrious beaver.”

 

(6) A gay Canadian male – “Want to see my lumber, Jack?”

 

(7) A west-coast native Canadian male – “How ’bout we play a fun game called Haida totem pole?”

 

(8) An Ontario native Canadian male – “The way I imagine it, Huron top.”

 

(9) A Canadian male connoisseur of enhancement aids – “Forget whipped cream. Try a taste of what I picked up at the Elmvale Maple Syrup Festival.”

 

(10) A history-minded academically-inclined Canadian male – “What’s your star sign? No, wait, I already know the answer. You are a shooting star sent down from heaven. Your beauty warms and lights up these frozen surroundings. You have become one with the land. Won’t you please open your Northwest Passage and let me hike your tundra?”

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If you enjoyed the foregoing, don’t miss the suble seduction of A Mathematical Proof Economists are Sexy.

Or if you’re interested in a similar story on how much Canadians “love” their country, in ways perhaps not appropriate, try My Year of Blogging Dangerously.

Plus there’s Ode to Canada’s National Game (No, Not Hockey)

Finally, as must reading, there’s my humorous piece, How to Know When You’ve Become a Porn Writer.

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For my first book, “Two Scoops” Is Just Right, please click here for the paperback version and here for the Kindle e-book version.

For the sequel, “Three Scoops” Is A Blast! (with the award-winning “Size of the Skip”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle.

For “Four Scoops” Is Over The Top (containing Hemingway short-listed “Caboose Follies”) click here for paperback and here for Kindle. 

 And finally, for my latest book, “Five Scoops” Is An Addiction!, please click here for the paperback and here for the Kindle digital version.

Also, I would love it if you joined me on Twitter (Alex_Carrick), Facebook and/or LinkedIn.

 

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2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 eden baylee // May 28, 2011 at 8:48 am

    These are priceless, have to give them A+ for originality, but as far as sex appeal, afraid they get a F !

    eden

  • 2 alexcarrick // May 28, 2011 at 8:53 am

    But Eden, those are the best lines I’ve got. :-) I kind of wondered when they never seemed to lead anywhere.

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