North of the city, this past weekend, I eaves-dropped on the following conversation in a local diner.
MAN: Do ya suppose it’s okay to bury Barry in Barrie?
WOMAN: He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
MAN: Bad how he bought it, though.
WOMAN: Yes, busting his back when he fell off his burro. He and that burro made a good team. They traveled all over northern Ontario.
MAN: So I’ve heard. After a nip of the suds, the burro would sing. It was a legend in Sudbury and Nippissing.
WOMAN: They didn’t always get along. He called it Scar after it bit him in Scarborough. They were both going after the same burrito.
MAN: That’s what I was told too. Gary in Calgary gave me a call. People sure get around these days.
WOMAN: That’s for certain. Did you hear about Gary’s sister, Cathy, in St. Catharines? She was a saint, married to Hal from Halifax all those years.
MAN: Tell me about it. He had horrible halitosis and no sense of humour.
WOMAN: You can’t blame her for the breakup. He worked on a trawler, but she caught him wearing highliner eye liner. How heartbreaking.
MAN: They were married by a monk in Moncton. His superior from Abbotsford didn’t approve. Never knew why.
WOMAN: I can answer that. Because those Maritime marriages often don’t last. Charlotte from Charlottetown got fed up with Fred from Fredericton in no time at all.
MAN: I know that story. He took a fancy to Brooke from Sherbrooke.
WOMAN: So did every other guy. Halifax Harry, Regina Reggie and Edmonton Eddie were chasing her at the same time.
MAN: They went to university together. If they all show up at Barry’s funeral, it could be interesting.
WOMAN: Brooke’s mother, Nadia, was the first person to dance the Can-Can in Canada. My grandparents Al and Bertha once saw her perform in Alberta.
MAN: At the time, they were staying with Lloyd Munster in Lloydminster.
WOMAN: Munster’s twin boys were always getting in trouble.
MAN: Remember when Brad borrowed a Ford in Peterborough and his brother Peter drove it to Bradford.
WOMAN: Then you got conned by them in the Yukon, as I recall. Luckily, I was having none of it in Nunavut when the pair showed up there.
MAN: They almost took all my money. I gave my wallet to Ron to take to Toronto for safekeeping. Why do we find these people so fascinating?
WOMAN: I’ve often thought about that too. It’s beyond me.
MAN: So we have enough money to bury Barry?
WOMAN: Yes, let’s wrap this up so you can go home to Manitoba, Brandon.
MAN: And you to B.C., Victoria.
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