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They’re Giving Them Away

December 31st, 2008 · No Comments · Economic Humor, Family Humor, General Humor, Jokes, Lifestyle

Alex Carrick

The Carrick family just replaced its old van with a new one. We’re quite pleased with it. It’s pretty much the same make and model as what we had before, but with some extra features – more storage space and hide-away back seats, as two examples.

 

The new van is a 2008 model and cost almost exactly the same as what we paid for our previous 2000 model. That’s amazing. The Detroit Three car makers are virtually “giving vehicles away.”

 

There is one claim about the new van that I have some doubts about, however. We are finding it hard to verify that it can achieve the gas efficiency as advertised, 34 kilometres per litre. The salesmen seem to operate according to the principle that if they say it often enough, it will come true. As far as I can tell, this is really only possible under the following circumstances.

 

(1) Now I’m dating myself. Add Li’l Abner’s “kickapoo joy juice” to the gas tank. He was way out front in the use of biofuels.

 

(2) Strap the van to the back of a space shuttle.

 

(3) Drop it from a plane several times and measure the descent.

 

(4) Attach a large helium balloon to the back of it, since it’s front-wheel drive.

 

(5) Have it pulled by Mennonites in their horse-drawn carriages. But it’s hard to get up to speed for highway driving using this method.

 

(6) For long distances, drive it into a shipping container and have it placed on a train.

 

(7) For even longer distances (e.g., across oceans), drive it into a container box and have it placed on a cargo ship.

 

(8) Employ some combination of four old stand-bys: kid yourself, lie, keep changing the odometer and/or siphon gas from the neighbours. Admittedly, this method is morally ambiguous.

 

(9) Add wings in windy weather; add pontoons in rainy weather.

 

(10) Only drive downhill. But then what happens when you reach the southernmost tip of South America?

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