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A Few Good Fortune Tellers

February 21st, 2009 · No Comments · American Humor, British Comedy, British Humour, Canada Humor, Charming, Economic Humor, Entertainment, Funny Crystal Ball, Funny Economy, Funny Gambling, Funny Lottery, Funny Spoiler Alert, Funny Stock Market, Funny Weather, General Humor, General Interest, Human Nature, Lifestyle, Screwball, Slice of Life, Sports and Recreation

Alex Carrick

Fortune telling is a profession that seems to have fallen by the wayside. When some old black and white movie finds its way onto TV, it’s great to see a wild-eyed gypsy lady pull out her crystal ball and start to prognosticate. In most of these thrillers, after telling the truth, things don’t turn out well for the fortune teller.

 

Of course, economists are modern era fortune tellers, but that’s only a digression from my main topic today. What if the fortune-telling industry really knew what it was talking about? Who would be most affected?

 

One would assume that the number one industry to be hit would be lotteries. If you knew you weren’t going to win, would you still buy a ticket? This seems like a ridiculous question, but in actual fact, millions of people right now are simply paying a “voluntary tax” to participate in a group activity that has a very low likelihood of ever paying off for them.

 

What about the casino industry? The operators already know that they have to provide the shopping, the shows and the spectacle to yield a total entertainment package. There might still be enough bells and whistles and bright lights to make this fun for gamblers, regardless of the outcome.

 

Professional sports? Knowing the outcome of games would, of course, hurt the betting side of this “big production”, but aren’t most of the good times, in any event, derived from the pre-game shows, the tailgate parties and some stunning individual performances in each game.

 

The stock markets? Wheelers and dealers would find new ways to sell short or buy long in order to make outrageous sums of money, even if corporate profit levels were known with a certainty.

 

Fore-knowledge of the outcome would affect television programs and movies hardly at all. We already have “spoiler” alerts. Most of the joy lies in watching the story unfold or seeing things blow up “real good.” That is why people watch the same cult classics over and over again and why there is a good business in selling videos, DVDs and blue-ray discs.

 

What about the weather? Don’t kid me. Nobody’s ever going to be able to accurately predict the weather.

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